I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell :)
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Saturday, February 1, 2014
Fun & Relax IV
If a driver makes a mistake, It is a New path
If an engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture
If parents makes a mistake, It is a new generation
If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law
If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention
If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion
If a teacher makes a mistake, It is a new theory
If our boss makes a mistake, It is a New idea
If an employee makes a mistake, It is a Mistake Only !!!
----------------------------------------
Between the devil and the deep sea
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please .'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs.. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes' Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr.. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.' 'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please .'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs.. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes' Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr.. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.' 'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
----------------------------------
Mistakes & Mistakes
If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style
Mistakes & Mistakes
If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style
If a driver makes a mistake, It is a New path
If an engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture
If parents makes a mistake, It is a new generation
If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law
If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention
If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion
If a teacher makes a mistake, It is a new theory
If our boss makes a mistake, It is a New idea
If an employee makes a mistake, It is a Mistake Only !!!
----------------------------------------
A guy asked a girl in a library;
“Do you mind if I sit beside you”?
The girl answered with a loud voice;
... "I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy
and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes,
the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him
“I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, -
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!"
And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock
and the guy whispered in her ears;
“I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"
“Do you mind if I sit beside you”?
The girl answered with a loud voice;
... "I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy
and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes,
the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him
“I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, -
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!!!"
And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock
and the guy whispered in her ears;
“I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty"
Fun with Marriage
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding ,he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every
night...whether you're here or not.'
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing what?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out
if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,
'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
*****************************************
*****************************************
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left iit where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
*****************************************
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Fun & Relax
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...
P...
E...
N...
I...
S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
PASSWORD REJECTED....... NOT LONG ENOUGH.
A nice, pleasant and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband..... that's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription!"*
A wife asked her husband to describe her .....
He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.
She said, 'What does that mean?'
He said Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'.
She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K ?'
He said-- I'm Just Kidding---!!! : )
---------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...
P...
E...
N...
I...
S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
A nice, pleasant and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband..... that's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription!"*
A wife asked her husband to describe her .....
He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.
She said, 'What does that mean?'
He said Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'.
She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K ?'
He said-- I'm Just Kidding---!!! : )
---------------------------------------------------------------
8 Bizarre Beauty Tricks
By Alexandra Gekas
Whether it's for antiaging creams, acne medicine or exfoliating scrubs, American women spend a bundle on maintaining their beauty. In fact, a 2008 YWCA report found that U.S. women dole out around $7 billion—roughly $100 per month—on cosmetics and beauty products. But there’s a select group who prefer to go the old-fashioned route, choosing cheaper skincare methods that use household goods. From removing makeup with vegetable shortening to dabbing hemorrhoid cream under the eyes, discover eight of the most bizarre ways women bolster their beauty routines.
No Stubble Left Behind
Reality TV star Caroline Manzo brought shaving to light on an episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. She swears that shaving in the shower every day helps exfoliate her face, and is the secret to her flawless complexion. But, according to Joshua Zeichner, MD, director of cosmetic and clinical research at The Mount Sinai Medical Center’s dermatology department in New York City, it's probably not an ideal method for most women. "It isn't my first recommendation for exfoliating because it can cause irritation, which outweighs the rewards," he says. Whether you try it in the shower, like Manzo, or dry with cold cream like some bloggers suggest, just be sure to use a sterile, disposable razor. Photo: Shutterstock
Get Basted
And here we thought cooking spray was for our skillet! We stumbled across a beauty blog that suggested using the foodstuff—unscented, that is—after fake tanning to make your skin glow. According to Dr. Zeichner, people prone to skin irritation and allergies should be wary of this kind of at-home treatment. However, he does believe oil can improve the quality of your skin: "Modified oil and oils are commonly used on the skin to help moisturize and improve the integrity of the skin barrier," he says. "When your skin barrier looks good, the skin will have a more even tone and glow." Photo: Thinkstock
Wipe Away the Puffiness
In addition to dazzling eyeshadows and lustrous bronzers, every makeup artist has hemorrhoid cream in her arsenal. Yes, you read that right! Believe it or not, the cream is said to quickly reduce undereye puffiness and dark circles—and Dr. Zeichner agrees. "Hemorrhoid cream and nasal sprays contain chemicals that constrict blood vessels, so using those products is a trick you can use not only for circles under your eyes, but also for red marks such as pimples,” he says. Simply squeeze out a pea-size amount and dab under each eye, rubbing the cream in gently with your ring finger—then, before leaving home, rehearse a vague reply for when people ask how you got so gorgeous! Photo: iStockphoto
Jolt Cellulite into Submission
Sorry, Marilyn—on most busy days, coffee is actually a girl’s best friend. And it turns out it could be good for our lumps and bumps as well! Although a foolproof solution to cellulite remains elusive, Dr. Zeichner says coffee might help. "What caffeine does is it pulls water out so it can make cellulite appear less apparent rather than plumping up everything around it," he says. "It may also help reduce the number of fat cells. " Applying the coffee can be messy, but it’s worth a whirl: Mix ¼ to ½ cup coffee grounds (used ones from your coffeemaker are fine) with approximately 2 Tbsp of extra-virgin olive oil and massage into the affected areas, trying to get as much to stick as possible. Cover the area in plastic wrap and let it sit for 10 minutes before rinsing with warm water. Photo: iStockphoto
Stop Sagging Before It Stops You
Antidiarrheal medicines can play an, ahem, important role in your digestive life. But did you know that the liquid pink-colored kind can also help tighten your skin and shrink pores? At least that’s the claim by some beauty bloggers who swear by the stuff, applying it straight from the bottle with a cotton ball. Dr. Zeichner says the idea isn’t completely far-fetched, because these over-the-counter meds contain bismuth subsalicylate, which can be found in a slightly different form in cosmetics. Even so, Dr. Zeichner would shy away from using it on your face. "There are much better clay masks available commercially and inexpensively on the market," he says. Photo: iStockphoto
Make Fat Your Friend
This beauty trick is one of the oldest in the books—and for a reason: It works! Vegetable shortening as a makeup remover “has been used commonly, especially for patients with dry skin,” Dr. Zeichner says. “It's helpful for patients with more mature skin who may be looking for something with a bit more moisture," he says. Just be forewarned: Given its greasiness from the soybean oil, you’ll sport your fair share of shine throughout the day! Photo: Lisa Fain/Getty Images
Buy Your Body a Drink
According to The Black Book of Hollywood Beauty Secrets, actress Teri Hatcher uses red wine in her bath water to soften her skin. While it certainly sounds decadent, Dr. Zeichner questions its effectiveness: "Red wine is full of antioxidants that we know are beneficial to our overall health, but the challenge is making sure these antioxidants are actually absorbed into the skin," he says. "So putting a little red wine in the water won’t hurt, but it's about getting the antioxidants where they have to go." Enough said—we’ll drink to that advice! Photo: iStockphoto
Baby Your Zits
New mothers aren’t the only ones who are stocking up on diaper rash cream—it seems this product is catching on as an adult acne treatment as well! According to the site MyAcneRemedies.com, diaper rash cream helps zap zits quickly when it’s applied like regular pimple cream. Dr. Zeichner says new studies are showing this may be true. "There is recent evidence out there that diaper rash is caused by both irritation to the skin and by yeast, so most diaper creams contain antifungal medicines that are actually effective at treating the bacteria that causes acne." However, for the time being, Dr. Zeichner advises acne-prone individuals to stick with over-the-counter products that contain benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid.
By Alexandra Gekas
Whether it's for antiaging creams, acne medicine or exfoliating scrubs, American women spend a bundle on maintaining their beauty. In fact, a 2008 YWCA report found that U.S. women dole out around $7 billion—roughly $100 per month—on cosmetics and beauty products. But there’s a select group who prefer to go the old-fashioned route, choosing cheaper skincare methods that use household goods. From removing makeup with vegetable shortening to dabbing hemorrhoid cream under the eyes, discover eight of the most bizarre ways women bolster their beauty routines.
No Stubble Left Behind
Reality TV star Caroline Manzo brought shaving to light on an episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. She swears that shaving in the shower every day helps exfoliate her face, and is the secret to her flawless complexion. But, according to Joshua Zeichner, MD, director of cosmetic and clinical research at The Mount Sinai Medical Center’s dermatology department in New York City, it's probably not an ideal method for most women. "It isn't my first recommendation for exfoliating because it can cause irritation, which outweighs the rewards," he says. Whether you try it in the shower, like Manzo, or dry with cold cream like some bloggers suggest, just be sure to use a sterile, disposable razor. Photo: Shutterstock
Get Basted
And here we thought cooking spray was for our skillet! We stumbled across a beauty blog that suggested using the foodstuff—unscented, that is—after fake tanning to make your skin glow. According to Dr. Zeichner, people prone to skin irritation and allergies should be wary of this kind of at-home treatment. However, he does believe oil can improve the quality of your skin: "Modified oil and oils are commonly used on the skin to help moisturize and improve the integrity of the skin barrier," he says. "When your skin barrier looks good, the skin will have a more even tone and glow." Photo: Thinkstock
Wipe Away the Puffiness
In addition to dazzling eyeshadows and lustrous bronzers, every makeup artist has hemorrhoid cream in her arsenal. Yes, you read that right! Believe it or not, the cream is said to quickly reduce undereye puffiness and dark circles—and Dr. Zeichner agrees. "Hemorrhoid cream and nasal sprays contain chemicals that constrict blood vessels, so using those products is a trick you can use not only for circles under your eyes, but also for red marks such as pimples,” he says. Simply squeeze out a pea-size amount and dab under each eye, rubbing the cream in gently with your ring finger—then, before leaving home, rehearse a vague reply for when people ask how you got so gorgeous! Photo: iStockphoto
Jolt Cellulite into Submission
Sorry, Marilyn—on most busy days, coffee is actually a girl’s best friend. And it turns out it could be good for our lumps and bumps as well! Although a foolproof solution to cellulite remains elusive, Dr. Zeichner says coffee might help. "What caffeine does is it pulls water out so it can make cellulite appear less apparent rather than plumping up everything around it," he says. "It may also help reduce the number of fat cells. " Applying the coffee can be messy, but it’s worth a whirl: Mix ¼ to ½ cup coffee grounds (used ones from your coffeemaker are fine) with approximately 2 Tbsp of extra-virgin olive oil and massage into the affected areas, trying to get as much to stick as possible. Cover the area in plastic wrap and let it sit for 10 minutes before rinsing with warm water. Photo: iStockphoto
Stop Sagging Before It Stops You
Antidiarrheal medicines can play an, ahem, important role in your digestive life. But did you know that the liquid pink-colored kind can also help tighten your skin and shrink pores? At least that’s the claim by some beauty bloggers who swear by the stuff, applying it straight from the bottle with a cotton ball. Dr. Zeichner says the idea isn’t completely far-fetched, because these over-the-counter meds contain bismuth subsalicylate, which can be found in a slightly different form in cosmetics. Even so, Dr. Zeichner would shy away from using it on your face. "There are much better clay masks available commercially and inexpensively on the market," he says. Photo: iStockphoto
Make Fat Your Friend
This beauty trick is one of the oldest in the books—and for a reason: It works! Vegetable shortening as a makeup remover “has been used commonly, especially for patients with dry skin,” Dr. Zeichner says. “It's helpful for patients with more mature skin who may be looking for something with a bit more moisture," he says. Just be forewarned: Given its greasiness from the soybean oil, you’ll sport your fair share of shine throughout the day! Photo: Lisa Fain/Getty Images
Buy Your Body a Drink
According to The Black Book of Hollywood Beauty Secrets, actress Teri Hatcher uses red wine in her bath water to soften her skin. While it certainly sounds decadent, Dr. Zeichner questions its effectiveness: "Red wine is full of antioxidants that we know are beneficial to our overall health, but the challenge is making sure these antioxidants are actually absorbed into the skin," he says. "So putting a little red wine in the water won’t hurt, but it's about getting the antioxidants where they have to go." Enough said—we’ll drink to that advice! Photo: iStockphoto
Baby Your Zits
New mothers aren’t the only ones who are stocking up on diaper rash cream—it seems this product is catching on as an adult acne treatment as well! According to the site MyAcneRemedies.com, diaper rash cream helps zap zits quickly when it’s applied like regular pimple cream. Dr. Zeichner says new studies are showing this may be true. "There is recent evidence out there that diaper rash is caused by both irritation to the skin and by yeast, so most diaper creams contain antifungal medicines that are actually effective at treating the bacteria that causes acne." However, for the time being, Dr. Zeichner advises acne-prone individuals to stick with over-the-counter products that contain benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid.
10 ways to look Younger now
By Melissa Matthews Brown
Missing your youthful glow and plump lips of years past? Learn how to take years off your look without heading to the dermatologist. Instead, try the following age-defying makeup tricks that'll give sagging skin a boost, deflate puffy eyes and more.
"I have puffy-looking eyes." - The fix: Wear eyeshadow
When lids are swollen they lose definition. Bring back depth with two shadows: one in a light color (try gold) and another in a medium shade like bronze. "Swirl both colors together with a brush before applying to your lids and just beyond the crease," says Silver. Estée Lauder Double Wear Stay-in-Place ShadowCreme in Antique Gold and Golden Sands, $17.50;
"My skin tone is uneven." - The fix: Wear full-coverage foundation
"An older complexion needs more coverage, not more product," says celebrity makeup artist Jake Bailey. Translation: Layering on a sheer formula isn't your best bet. Instead, Bailey recommends using a small amount of full-coverage liquid foundation. Since these formulas are denser, they're better at camouflaging imperfections. Use a foundation brush to apply color down the center of your face, then gently sweep it outward. Dermablend Smooth Indulgence SPF 20 Foundation, $30;
"How do I lift my droopy cheeks?" - The fix: Put on liquid highlighter
Have you noticed that the supple skin that once plumped up your cheeks has now headed south for your jawline? Don't panic, here's the trick: Smile wide and use the tip of your ring finger (it applies the lightest pressure on delicate aging skin) to gently tap liquid highlighter along your cheekbones, from just beyond the apples of your cheeks up toward your temples until you meet your hairline. "The product contains light-reflecting particles that draw the eye upward and away from droopy jowls," explains celebrity makeup artist Laura Geller, owner of Laura Geller Makeup. Benefit Cosmetics High Beam, $26;
"I look tired all the time." - The fix: Wear two shades of eyeliner
"Properly applied liner opens up your eyes by giving them definition," says Mally Roncal, celebrity makeup artist and owner of Mally Beauty. She suggests using creamy formulas since they will glide across lids without tugging at skin, creating a more seamless line. "Walk" black eyeliner across your top lashes using tiny back-and-forth motions, starting from the outer corner of your eye inward. But avoid dark colors on bottom-they'll only accentuate undereye circles. Instead, use a nude shade to brighten the area. Mally Beauty Mattewand Eye Brightener, $25; QVC.com. Revlon Luxurious Color Smoky Crayon in Black Smoke, $9.99; at drugstores.
"When I wear lipstick, it bleeds into the lines around my mouth."- The fix: Use lip stain
Nothing screams "I look older" louder than when your lipstick "feathers" or seeps into tiny lines surrounding lips. The simple solution is to swap your lipstick for a lip stain. "These matte formulas are quick-setting and don't bleed like creamier lipsticks," Bailey explains. If you prefer a shinier finish, wait for the stain to dry, then apply a moisturizing balm over lips. Laura Mercier Lip Stain, $20;
"I miss my youthful glow." - The fix: Swipe on cream blush
Know this: If you prefer to use powder blush (or foundation or eyeshadow, for that matter), proceed with caution. "Powders settle into fine lines, accentuating them," warns Bailey. Go for creams instead-they won't highlight imperfections and are more pigmented so you can use less. As for choosing a blush color, light skin works best with paler shades; darker complexions should go brighter. Hard Candy Hide & Glow Cheek Duo Cheek Tint in In Love, $6;
"How can I get the most out of my antiaging products?" - The fix: Coat skin with makeup primer
While you sleep, nighttime creams and serums boost cell turnover to reveal younger-looking skin. But they can't work if they rub off onto your pillow. Prevent this by applying a thin layer of primer to your face after you smooth them on. "A nickel-size amount should do the trick," says Roncal. Laura Geller Spackle Under Makeup Primer, $25;
"My lips are getting thinner." - The fix: Dab on clear gloss
Collagen production slows down with age, causing lips to lose their fullness. "To combat this, apply clear gloss to the center of your bottom lip and along the bow of your top lip," Geller says. The gloss attracts light to the thickest parts of your lips, plumping them. Elizabeth Arden Crystal Clear Lip Gloss, $14;
"I need an eye lift."- The fix: Curl your lashes and use mascara
"Curling is an important first step that will really open up your eyes," says celebrity makeup artist Melissa Silver. Also, since lashes tend to thin out as we age, sweep on a coat or two of a volumizing black mascara. "These mascaras are formulated with ingredients that condition and plump," Silver explains. Maybelline New York Falsies by Volum' Express Mascara, $7.77; at drugstores.
"My skin looks washed out."- The fix: Put on lipstick
If nothing else, swipe on lipstick before heading out the door in the morning. "Adding color to this focal point on your face instantly warms up your entire complexion," says Bailey. The best lip color to use? Berry. "It's the most universally flattering shade-great for every skin tone," he says. CoverGirl Lip Perfection Lip Color in Euphoria, $6.50; at drugstores.
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.
By Melissa Matthews Brown
Missing your youthful glow and plump lips of years past? Learn how to take years off your look without heading to the dermatologist. Instead, try the following age-defying makeup tricks that'll give sagging skin a boost, deflate puffy eyes and more.
"I have puffy-looking eyes." - The fix: Wear eyeshadow
When lids are swollen they lose definition. Bring back depth with two shadows: one in a light color (try gold) and another in a medium shade like bronze. "Swirl both colors together with a brush before applying to your lids and just beyond the crease," says Silver. Estée Lauder Double Wear Stay-in-Place ShadowCreme in Antique Gold and Golden Sands, $17.50;
"My skin tone is uneven." - The fix: Wear full-coverage foundation
"An older complexion needs more coverage, not more product," says celebrity makeup artist Jake Bailey. Translation: Layering on a sheer formula isn't your best bet. Instead, Bailey recommends using a small amount of full-coverage liquid foundation. Since these formulas are denser, they're better at camouflaging imperfections. Use a foundation brush to apply color down the center of your face, then gently sweep it outward. Dermablend Smooth Indulgence SPF 20 Foundation, $30;
"How do I lift my droopy cheeks?" - The fix: Put on liquid highlighter
Have you noticed that the supple skin that once plumped up your cheeks has now headed south for your jawline? Don't panic, here's the trick: Smile wide and use the tip of your ring finger (it applies the lightest pressure on delicate aging skin) to gently tap liquid highlighter along your cheekbones, from just beyond the apples of your cheeks up toward your temples until you meet your hairline. "The product contains light-reflecting particles that draw the eye upward and away from droopy jowls," explains celebrity makeup artist Laura Geller, owner of Laura Geller Makeup. Benefit Cosmetics High Beam, $26;
"I look tired all the time." - The fix: Wear two shades of eyeliner
"Properly applied liner opens up your eyes by giving them definition," says Mally Roncal, celebrity makeup artist and owner of Mally Beauty. She suggests using creamy formulas since they will glide across lids without tugging at skin, creating a more seamless line. "Walk" black eyeliner across your top lashes using tiny back-and-forth motions, starting from the outer corner of your eye inward. But avoid dark colors on bottom-they'll only accentuate undereye circles. Instead, use a nude shade to brighten the area. Mally Beauty Mattewand Eye Brightener, $25; QVC.com. Revlon Luxurious Color Smoky Crayon in Black Smoke, $9.99; at drugstores.
"When I wear lipstick, it bleeds into the lines around my mouth."- The fix: Use lip stain
Nothing screams "I look older" louder than when your lipstick "feathers" or seeps into tiny lines surrounding lips. The simple solution is to swap your lipstick for a lip stain. "These matte formulas are quick-setting and don't bleed like creamier lipsticks," Bailey explains. If you prefer a shinier finish, wait for the stain to dry, then apply a moisturizing balm over lips. Laura Mercier Lip Stain, $20;
"I miss my youthful glow." - The fix: Swipe on cream blush
Know this: If you prefer to use powder blush (or foundation or eyeshadow, for that matter), proceed with caution. "Powders settle into fine lines, accentuating them," warns Bailey. Go for creams instead-they won't highlight imperfections and are more pigmented so you can use less. As for choosing a blush color, light skin works best with paler shades; darker complexions should go brighter. Hard Candy Hide & Glow Cheek Duo Cheek Tint in In Love, $6;
"How can I get the most out of my antiaging products?" - The fix: Coat skin with makeup primer
While you sleep, nighttime creams and serums boost cell turnover to reveal younger-looking skin. But they can't work if they rub off onto your pillow. Prevent this by applying a thin layer of primer to your face after you smooth them on. "A nickel-size amount should do the trick," says Roncal. Laura Geller Spackle Under Makeup Primer, $25;
"My lips are getting thinner." - The fix: Dab on clear gloss
Collagen production slows down with age, causing lips to lose their fullness. "To combat this, apply clear gloss to the center of your bottom lip and along the bow of your top lip," Geller says. The gloss attracts light to the thickest parts of your lips, plumping them. Elizabeth Arden Crystal Clear Lip Gloss, $14;
"I need an eye lift."- The fix: Curl your lashes and use mascara
"Curling is an important first step that will really open up your eyes," says celebrity makeup artist Melissa Silver. Also, since lashes tend to thin out as we age, sweep on a coat or two of a volumizing black mascara. "These mascaras are formulated with ingredients that condition and plump," Silver explains. Maybelline New York Falsies by Volum' Express Mascara, $7.77; at drugstores.
"My skin looks washed out."- The fix: Put on lipstick
If nothing else, swipe on lipstick before heading out the door in the morning. "Adding color to this focal point on your face instantly warms up your entire complexion," says Bailey. The best lip color to use? Berry. "It's the most universally flattering shade-great for every skin tone," he says. CoverGirl Lip Perfection Lip Color in Euphoria, $6.50; at drugstores.
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.
Quick Ways to Lose Weight
The 51 fastest fat burners
Real life, fastest and natural, fat burners!
By Kate Ashford, Health.com
1. Catch the running bug. You’ll continue to burn fat after your jog: People who run for at least four hours a week melt more calories than non-runners, even when they’re not running, a Yale University School of Medicine study reports.
2. Crank it up early. Working out harder during the first half of your workout and taking it easier during the second burns up to 23 percent more fat than doing the opposite, according to a study from The College of New Jersey.
3 & 4. Go hard — and make it quick. Staying at 80 percent of your max heart rate for 40 minutes can amp your metabolism for 19 hours afterward, research published in Obesity notes. And doing a shorter workout at 75 percent of your max aerobic capacity will give you a greater metabolic boost than sweating longer at 50 percent, a Colorado State University reveals.
5 to 7. Lift dumbbells … slowly. More muscle equals mega metabolism boost. Strength training can help you trim major fat, research reveals — and doing super-slow (versus normal speed) reps increases strength by 50 percent.
Plus, using dumbbells activates more muscle fibers than using machines, explains Gregory Haff, Ph.D., an associate professor in the exercise physiology department at West Virginia University.
8. Speed up, slow down. Alternating bouts of high-intensity and low-intensity cardio has been shown to torch pounds.
9. Put on weight (literally). Wearing a weighted vest (about 10 percent of your body weight) while walking can boost your calorie burn by 8 percent.
10. Download Rihanna, not Brahms. Listening to up-tempo songs actually makes you run faster and harder than listening to slower-paced music, British scientists say.
11. Let kettlebells ring. Not only does working out with kettlebells build muscle, but doing it for 20 minutes burns as many calories as running at a 6-minute-mile pace for the same amount of time.
12. Keep it up. As few as 80 minutes a week of aerobic or weight training helps keep you from regaining belly fat after losing weight, according to researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham.
13. Add poles. Use Nordic poles while you walk, and you’ll burn 20 percent more calories, says research from The Cooper Institute in Dallas.
14 & 15. Lift first, nix the rest. Doing strength training before cardio can torch more fat than cardio alone. And if you do one move after another without pausing, “you’ll see more gains in strength and muscle mass,” says Dr. Pierre Manfroy, M.D., consultant for the book “100 Ways to Supercharge Your Metabolism.”
16. Add pounds. Lift heavier weights for fewer reps to make your workout more intense — and burn more fat — Manfroy says.
17. Try aromatherapy. Exercisers who inhaled strawberry and buttered-popcorn scents torched more calories than those who sniffed neutral odors, according to research from the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago.
18. Box yourself in. Wii boxing knocks out nearly twice as many calories as some other games, like Wii golf.
19. Kick it. Playing soccer not only torches more fat and builds more muscle than jogging, but it feels less tiring, Danish research reveals.
20. Stay in shape. Fit people have more fat-burning metabolites in their blood than couch potatoes do, scientists say.
22. Get more protein. Eating a protein-packed breakfast and lunch helps you burn more post-meal fat than if you eat lower-protein meals, according to Australian research.
23 & 24. Guzzle green tea — or coffee. Downing five 5-ounce cups of green tea a day boosts metabolism, says Lyssie Lakatos, R.D., author of “Fire Up Your Metabolism.” Two cups of coffee will also do the trick, one study shows.
25. Have an omelet. Eating two eggs for breakfast while dieting will help you trim more weight and body fat than if you ate the same amount of calories noshing on a bagel, scientists say.
26. Stay above 1,200 calories… “The average person’s body goes into starvation mode if she eats fewer than 1,200 calories a day,” says Eric Berg, author of “The 7 Principles of Fat Burning.” “That’s stress, and stress creates more belly fat.”
27. … and cut calories gradually. If you diet, don’t trim more than 250 calories a day. Cutting calories too quickly slows your metabolism down, Dr. Manfroy says.
28 to 33. Munch on these. Almonds, cherries, yogurt, grapefruit, whole grains, and spicy foods have all been shown to torch fat.
34. Fuel up right. Eating a low-glycemic-index breakfast (such as muesli and peaches) will help you burn more fat during a subsequent workout than eating a high-glycemic-index meal (like waffles), researchers from the University of Nottingham reveal.
35. Think before you drink. Sipping as few as 90 calories’ worth of vodka can slow your metabolism by 73 percent, one study shows.
36. Graze. Women who go without eating for long periods are more likely to have higher body-fat percentages than women who nosh more regularly, one study notes.
37. Dine like a Greek. Eating a diet rich in monounsaturated fat (think olive oil, avocados) can help trim both weight and fat, research published in the British Journal of Nutrition shows.
38. Stop gorging. Your body can only handle so much food at a time, so stick to 600 calories or less per meal to maximize fat-burning, says Leslie Cooper, co-author of “Flip the Switch: Proven Strategies to Fuel Your Metabolism and Burn Fat 24 Hours a Day.”
39. Skip juice. Reaching for an apple instead of apple juice is not only better calorie-wise, but it’ll also do a better job of boosting your metabolism, Dr. Manfroy explains.
41 & 42. Get C and D. Vitamin C can help you burn more fat, and D may help you lose fat, research notes. Aim for 400 to 500 mg of C and 800 mg of D a day.
43 & 44. Walk more (in denim). Researchers found that fitness-friendly offices (think treadmill desks, mobile headsets) helped people trim pounds and fat, as did wearing jeans to work, since dressing casual encourages you to move more. Wear comfy clothes when you can, pace while on the phone, and stand while chatting with co-workers.
45. Add fish oil (And work out). Taking 6 grams of fish oil per day and hitting the gym three times a week can help nix body fat, an Australian study reveals.
46. Work the day shift. Keeping nontraditional hours lowers levels of hormones that trigger satiety, increases blood glucose and insulin levels, and raises levels of the stress hormone cortisol (which can drive you to eat more), scientists say.
47. Nix the boob tube. Cut your TV time in half, and you’ll burn more calories each day, research from the University of Vermont suggests.
48. Go mental. People who visualized themselves training a specific muscle boosted the strength in that muscle group, researchers found.
49. Eat a smaller dinner. Your body may not digest food — and burn fat — as efficiently if you down a huge meal right before bedtime, especially because your metabolism is slower while you sleep, Dr. Manfroy says.
50. Jump-start your morning. Wake up your metabolism — and get fat-burning started — by doing some sort of exercise within the first few hours of being awake, Cooper suggests.
51. Get your snooze on. Sleep for a solid 81D 2 hours instead of 51D 2, according to research published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, and you’ll lose more fat. Sweet dreams!
The 51 fastest fat burners
Real life, fastest and natural, fat burners!
By Kate Ashford, Health.com
1. Catch the running bug. You’ll continue to burn fat after your jog: People who run for at least four hours a week melt more calories than non-runners, even when they’re not running, a Yale University School of Medicine study reports.
2. Crank it up early. Working out harder during the first half of your workout and taking it easier during the second burns up to 23 percent more fat than doing the opposite, according to a study from The College of New Jersey.
3 & 4. Go hard — and make it quick. Staying at 80 percent of your max heart rate for 40 minutes can amp your metabolism for 19 hours afterward, research published in Obesity notes. And doing a shorter workout at 75 percent of your max aerobic capacity will give you a greater metabolic boost than sweating longer at 50 percent, a Colorado State University reveals.
5 to 7. Lift dumbbells … slowly. More muscle equals mega metabolism boost. Strength training can help you trim major fat, research reveals — and doing super-slow (versus normal speed) reps increases strength by 50 percent.
Plus, using dumbbells activates more muscle fibers than using machines, explains Gregory Haff, Ph.D., an associate professor in the exercise physiology department at West Virginia University.
8. Speed up, slow down. Alternating bouts of high-intensity and low-intensity cardio has been shown to torch pounds.
9. Put on weight (literally). Wearing a weighted vest (about 10 percent of your body weight) while walking can boost your calorie burn by 8 percent.
10. Download Rihanna, not Brahms. Listening to up-tempo songs actually makes you run faster and harder than listening to slower-paced music, British scientists say.
11. Let kettlebells ring. Not only does working out with kettlebells build muscle, but doing it for 20 minutes burns as many calories as running at a 6-minute-mile pace for the same amount of time.
12. Keep it up. As few as 80 minutes a week of aerobic or weight training helps keep you from regaining belly fat after losing weight, according to researchers at the University of Alabama at Birmingham.
13. Add poles. Use Nordic poles while you walk, and you’ll burn 20 percent more calories, says research from The Cooper Institute in Dallas.
14 & 15. Lift first, nix the rest. Doing strength training before cardio can torch more fat than cardio alone. And if you do one move after another without pausing, “you’ll see more gains in strength and muscle mass,” says Dr. Pierre Manfroy, M.D., consultant for the book “100 Ways to Supercharge Your Metabolism.”
16. Add pounds. Lift heavier weights for fewer reps to make your workout more intense — and burn more fat — Manfroy says.
17. Try aromatherapy. Exercisers who inhaled strawberry and buttered-popcorn scents torched more calories than those who sniffed neutral odors, according to research from the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago.
18. Box yourself in. Wii boxing knocks out nearly twice as many calories as some other games, like Wii golf.
19. Kick it. Playing soccer not only torches more fat and builds more muscle than jogging, but it feels less tiring, Danish research reveals.
20. Stay in shape. Fit people have more fat-burning metabolites in their blood than couch potatoes do, scientists say.
22. Get more protein. Eating a protein-packed breakfast and lunch helps you burn more post-meal fat than if you eat lower-protein meals, according to Australian research.
23 & 24. Guzzle green tea — or coffee. Downing five 5-ounce cups of green tea a day boosts metabolism, says Lyssie Lakatos, R.D., author of “Fire Up Your Metabolism.” Two cups of coffee will also do the trick, one study shows.
25. Have an omelet. Eating two eggs for breakfast while dieting will help you trim more weight and body fat than if you ate the same amount of calories noshing on a bagel, scientists say.
26. Stay above 1,200 calories… “The average person’s body goes into starvation mode if she eats fewer than 1,200 calories a day,” says Eric Berg, author of “The 7 Principles of Fat Burning.” “That’s stress, and stress creates more belly fat.”
27. … and cut calories gradually. If you diet, don’t trim more than 250 calories a day. Cutting calories too quickly slows your metabolism down, Dr. Manfroy says.
28 to 33. Munch on these. Almonds, cherries, yogurt, grapefruit, whole grains, and spicy foods have all been shown to torch fat.
34. Fuel up right. Eating a low-glycemic-index breakfast (such as muesli and peaches) will help you burn more fat during a subsequent workout than eating a high-glycemic-index meal (like waffles), researchers from the University of Nottingham reveal.
35. Think before you drink. Sipping as few as 90 calories’ worth of vodka can slow your metabolism by 73 percent, one study shows.
36. Graze. Women who go without eating for long periods are more likely to have higher body-fat percentages than women who nosh more regularly, one study notes.
37. Dine like a Greek. Eating a diet rich in monounsaturated fat (think olive oil, avocados) can help trim both weight and fat, research published in the British Journal of Nutrition shows.
38. Stop gorging. Your body can only handle so much food at a time, so stick to 600 calories or less per meal to maximize fat-burning, says Leslie Cooper, co-author of “Flip the Switch: Proven Strategies to Fuel Your Metabolism and Burn Fat 24 Hours a Day.”
39. Skip juice. Reaching for an apple instead of apple juice is not only better calorie-wise, but it’ll also do a better job of boosting your metabolism, Dr. Manfroy explains.
41 & 42. Get C and D. Vitamin C can help you burn more fat, and D may help you lose fat, research notes. Aim for 400 to 500 mg of C and 800 mg of D a day.
43 & 44. Walk more (in denim). Researchers found that fitness-friendly offices (think treadmill desks, mobile headsets) helped people trim pounds and fat, as did wearing jeans to work, since dressing casual encourages you to move more. Wear comfy clothes when you can, pace while on the phone, and stand while chatting with co-workers.
45. Add fish oil (And work out). Taking 6 grams of fish oil per day and hitting the gym three times a week can help nix body fat, an Australian study reveals.
46. Work the day shift. Keeping nontraditional hours lowers levels of hormones that trigger satiety, increases blood glucose and insulin levels, and raises levels of the stress hormone cortisol (which can drive you to eat more), scientists say.
47. Nix the boob tube. Cut your TV time in half, and you’ll burn more calories each day, research from the University of Vermont suggests.
48. Go mental. People who visualized themselves training a specific muscle boosted the strength in that muscle group, researchers found.
49. Eat a smaller dinner. Your body may not digest food — and burn fat — as efficiently if you down a huge meal right before bedtime, especially because your metabolism is slower while you sleep, Dr. Manfroy says.
50. Jump-start your morning. Wake up your metabolism — and get fat-burning started — by doing some sort of exercise within the first few hours of being awake, Cooper suggests.
51. Get your snooze on. Sleep for a solid 81D 2 hours instead of 51D 2, according to research published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, and you’ll lose more fat. Sweet dreams!
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