Sunday, July 19, 2015

funny jokes

WHAT BOSS SAYS :
 
Three Citibank employees - a Clerical, an Officer and an OIC (Department Head) are walking through a park on their way to lunch. When they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the Clerical. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the Officer. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the Genie says to the OIC.
The OIC says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

.......................................................................
 
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
 
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...
 
P...
 
E...
 
N...
 
I...
 
S...
 
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
 
 
 
PASSWORD REJECTED....... NOT LONG ENOUGH.
.......................................................................
 
A nice, pleasant and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,walked up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said,
 
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
 
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
 
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
 
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband..... that's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
 
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in
bed with the pharmacist's wife.
 
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you
had a prescription!"*
.
......................................................................
 
A wife asked her husband to describe her .....
 
He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.
 
She said, 'What does that mean?'
 
He said Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'.
 
She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K ?'
 
He said-- I'm Just Kidding---!!! : )
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