Sunday, July 19, 2015

funny jokes

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When  girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!
 
 
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when Mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted  Salty?!
 
 
Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love  u?To see if u really mean it!
 
Why is sex similar to shaving?Well, because no  matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u have  to do it  again.
 
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex withtheir husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
 
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Life: Not really. It only  happens once in 4 Years.
 
The stock markets now are like an old  man's dick? Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still  getting fucked!
 
This week is Breast Awareness Week.  Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!
 
The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.The Lord Almighty sentenced  them to : Hang Till Death !
 
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy  just screwed me twice!Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
 
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby isthe result  of standing cock.
 
If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would  you get?Tit-Bits.And if it bursts in a man's  underwear?Banana split.
 
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Swiss Jokes
 
What is so good about being Swiss? 
Well, the flag is a Big plus.
 
 
A Mafia Don walks into a Swiss bank. He is accompanied by several henchmen who whip out machine-guns.
 
The Don says, "Do as I say and nobody gets hurt! Bring me the manager."
 
The manager comes out and the Don says, "Members of my organisation have been swindling me out of money and depositing it in this bank. Give me their names and I'll let you live."
 
The manager replies, "We Swiss bankers never give out the names of our customers."
 
The Don shouts, "This is your last warning! Give me the names or we kill you and everyone in this building!"
 
But the manager says, "We Swiss bankers would rather die than betray the trust of our clients."
 
So the Don nods to his henchmen and they put their machine-guns away. Then he starts pulling thick wads of hundred-dollar bills from his pockets and says,
"I would like to open an account here, please."  
 
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